The Nightmare Night Chronicles- Pinkie of the Dead

Link to un-submitted FIMFiction version: www.fimfiction.net/story/60883…

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Chapter 1: Pinkie of the Dead

Celestia’s sun slowly began its descent into the distant horizon, turning the sky a haunting red. Little foals, colts and fillies started to wander the streets of Ponyville, dressed in their most terrifying and impressive costumes. There were ghosts, and monsters, goblins and ghouls. There was even a little orange pegasus dressed as an Eagle, a white hood with a hooked beak and a set of brown feathers over her body. With her, there was a little white unicorn dressed up as a rock-star and a little yellow earth pony dressed as a buffalo, red and white paint streaked over her face and a large feathered headdress atop her crown.

“Scootaloo, why couldn’t you just pick a normal costume to wear?” Sweetie Belle asked her feathered friend.

“Because I’m trying to create a different image,” Scootaloo retorted. “Ever since you gave me that ridiculous nickname everypony’s been calling me by it. I’m sick of it.”

“You mean ‘chicken’?” Sweetie Belle asked, stifling a snicker.

“Yeah, that one.” Scootaloo said flatly. “With this costume, maybe I can get the nickname ‘Eagle’. It's so much cooler than 'Chicken'.”

“Sorry Scoots, but once a chicken, always a chicken. Ain’t no costume gonna change that fact.” Apple Bloom chuckled.

Scootaloo shot her friend a glare.

“Well at least my costume's cool and recognizable. What are you supposed to be, again?”

“Ah’m a buffalo.” Apple Bloom said with a smile, “ah got the idea the last time me and mah sis went to Appleloosa to visit Braeburn and we met some of the buffalo in the local tribe.”

"Yeah, well I think the feathered head-dress is overkill." Scootaloo said, turning her attention back to the road ahead. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and Sweetie Belle snickered, getting a kick out of her friend's bickering.

The three fillies made their way over to Sugarcube corner, hoping to get some treats from the Cakes. Usually they’d pass out mini pastries to passing ponies on Nightmare Night. Once the fillies arrived, however, they froze in place and stared at the dark shop. The lights were off and there was a strange green glow coming from beneath the closed door of the shop. The three fillies, however, didn’t pay it much heed as their mind was on the lack of delicious baked goods that would result from the absence of the baking couple.

“Hey, I thought the cakes kept their shop open on Nightmare Night.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Maybe they got a stand set-up in the square.” Scootaloo said. “Come on guys, let’s...”

Before she could say anything else, there was a loud explosion behind them. Before the three fillies could turn around to see what produced such a bombastic sound, something pink was launched into them, sending all three ponies to the ground, pinning Scootaloo’s face into the dirt road.

“Mpfph...whpthp thpht...” Scootaloo mumbled; her muzzle firmly planted into the soft soil of the road as Pinkie Pie’s heavy cake-filled body lay sprawled on top of her. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both got up, not pinned under the weight of the pink pony like their unfortunate, feathered friend. They rubbed their head while Pinkie Pie sat up on Scootaloo, her mane wild and crazy- even more so than usual- and her face covered in black soot. She shook her head, dust flying out of her mane and creating a small cloud around her face.

“Wow, that was crazy!” Pinkie Pie said with a huge grin on her face.

“Pmpinkie Pwhie, gwet ophf ofph mwe.” Scootaloo mumbled from underneath the hyperactive mare that was using her like a pillow. Her face was now even further embedded in the ground. She could feel worms squirming on her muzzle.

Pinkie Pie looked down at the stuck filly, “I’m sorry I can’t understand, what do you want Scootaloo?”

“Gwet ophf ofph mwe!” Scootaloo screamed, more dirt entering her mouth and covering her tongue. She felt her body get pressed down more when Pinkie Pie leaned over, turning her head towards Scootaloo and a hoof behind her ear.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle exchanged a glance before Apple Bloom turned to Pinkie Pie and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Er, Pinkie Pie. Ah think she wants ya to get off of her.”  

Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened, her mind having a clear “light-bulb” moment of clarity. “Oh! Sorry!”

Pinkie Pie bounced off of Scootaloo. The pegasus put both her front hooves onto the ground and pushed up until her muzzle- now covered in clay-like dirt and a few worms- was free from the road. After a few seconds of spitting and scrubbing her hoof against her mouth to rid it of the dirt, she turned to Pinkie Pie.

“Jeez Pinkie Pie, why did you crash into us like that?”

“Oh, no reason. I’m just trying to set up my super-scary frightening exhibit for Nightmare Night!” Pinkie said, rubbing the grime from her face but never losing her big, goofy expression. “It’s so super exciting!”

“What kind of exhibit would launch you from the shop like a rocket?” Sweetie Belle asked, looking from the still-open door of Sugarcube Corner to the Pink pony that exploded out of it moments before.

“A super-awesome one that I'm going to open soon!” Pinkie Pie said with a huge grin. “Hey, would you three like to hear what I did today? Oh, it was so exciting and fun it places up there with my best memories of Nightmare Night!”

The three fillies looked at each other. They didn’t want to stay for any longer than they had to since every second wasted talking to somepony or listening to somepony’s story was one less second they had to partake in the town’s festivities and candy collecting.

“We’d love to, but we’ve got a long night of candy-gathering and apple bobbing and stuff.” Scootaloo said, starting to get fidgety as her desperation for candy overtook her. She turned to leave only to be stopped when Pinkie Pie popped up in front of her, grin on her face. Where the pink mare had spontaneously appeared from was a mystery.

“Oh don’t worry; it’ll only take a minute!”

Scootaloo face-hoofed as her two friends slowly trotted over to Pinkie Pie, somewhat annoyed that she was keeping them from their night-time activities, but interested in her story nonetheless.

“You see, it all started about five hours ago...or was it six? Maybe six and a half?” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin in thought. “That’s what’s so funny about time; it’s so unpredictable that...”

“Pinkie!” all three fillies shouted. Scootaloo was the loudest of all, her own craving for snacks and games pulling at her mind, her hooves trotting in place as her desire to leave grew more and more.

“Oops, sorry.” Pinkie Pie said, “Anyways, it started when I was trying to set up Sugarcube Corner for tonight...”

---

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“Okay, note to self. Cola and Mentos do not mix...especially when used as ingredients in an enormous cake.”

Pinkie Pie grabbed a nearby towel and started to dry herself off. Her pink coat drenched in the sticky liquid, sprayed up and into her face from the plastic bottle. She looked around the bakery and pouted. Not only was it a complete and utter mess- globs of exploded cake, flour and cola covered the floor, walls and ceiling- but it wasn’t the least bit frightening. A few plastic skeletons lay sprawled out on the floor, a few cardboard signs reading “boo!” nailed up onto the wall, a giant, wax sculpture of a pony Frankenstein-eyes half-closed and gazing into nothingness. Saying it wasn’t that scare would be like saying sugar was sweet, or Rarity loved dresses. Pinkie fell back onto her flank and pouted, sad eyes taking in the sad sight as she let out a sigh in defeat.

“Aw, I won't be able to scare anypony with a haunted house this pathetic.”

Just as she said it, one of the signs reading “boo” fell down from where it was stuck, landing on the floor with a solid “thud”, as if to mock the poor pony’s failures as a "scarer".

“There’s gotta be some way for me to add some spice to this place.” Pinkie Pie thought it over when she suddenly had a light-bulb moment. “Oh, I know! I’ll go over to Twilight’s place. Maybe she has a spell or something that can spookify this place up!”

Pinkie Pie stood up and looked over her mess and smiled, “Don’t worry Sugarcube Corner! Pinkie Pie’s on the case!”

Pinkie turned and exited the shop, slamming the door behind her. The force of the door closing was enough to send the remaining signs, the Frankenstein pony, and the cobwebs, tumbling to the ground.

---

Twilight stood in her kitchen, magically cutting up brownies to put into the oven. The oven beside her was already on, finishing the first batch she had concocted. Her cheeks were covered in flour and chocolate, a tall chef’s hat was placed on her head. She looked down at the tray of uncooked brownies she was about to put into the oven when the current batch was finished. Once she finished cutting them into small squares, she lowered the knife back onto the counter and stared into the tasty dessert. Smiling, she lowered her head, her horn glowing and she cast a spell onto the entire batch, or rather a series of spells in one aura.

She stood back up and smiled, satisfied with her work. As she did this, Spike sat on the ground directly in front of the oven, his eyes wide open and his tongue hanging out as he drooled, mentally picturing himself chowing down on the brownies baking within.

“So...what kind of brownies are these again?” Spike asked; his eyes still glued to the oven as the snacks entered their last minute of baking.

“I told you, they’re magical brownies that are given out to young ponies in Canterlot.” Twilight smiled, using her magic to lift her hat off and put it onto the counter. She then levitated the tray of uncooked brownies up to her. “Each one gives the pony that eats it a temporary ability or a change in their appearance based on tricks that I came up with- like changing colors, breathing fire, or...”

Spike turned his attention towards Twilight, marking it as the first time he took his waiting eyes off of the oven since the unicorn put the brownies in.

“Spell number twenty-five?” Spike asked eagerly.

Twilight chuckled and gave him a small nod. “Yep I included mustache growth as one of the tricks.”

“Sweet,” Spike said, turning his head back to the oven. “I just hope I get something other than breathing fire, I can do that just fine already.”

"Don't worry, I cast a fire-breathing trick on this uncooked batch, not the batch in the oven."

”DING!”

Twilight’s eyes lit up and she clapped her hooves together in delight.

‘Oh! They’re done!” Twilight said excitedly, trotting over to her oven to pull out the tasty treats. She trotted over to where Spike was sitting and placed the tray of brownies in front of him, a delectable scent wafting in the form of steam from the chocolaty goodness into the young dragon’s waiting nostrils. As soon as the smell hit his nose, Spike’s senses flared, a feeling of pure delight engulfed him like a blanket. He took a long, drawn deep breath, taking in the wonderful smell of baked brownie, before exhaling. His eyes were half-closed. His face was in an expression of pure bliss, like he was getting a massage from Rarity while he ate from a mountain of turquoise gems.

“Wow, I sure hope they taste as good as they smell.” Spike said, licking his chops and wiggling his fingers above the brownie tray.

Twilight slid the next tray of uncooked brownies into the oven and closed it. She then reset the timer and pressed “START”, watching as the timer began and the brownies began to cook.

Twilight smiled, “Now Spike, you can have one brownie for now...”

“Mphfone?” Spike mumbled.

Twilight turned to see her number one assistant sitting in front of an empty tray of brownies, his cheeks puffed to their limits, chocolate icing and crumbs smeared on his cheeks and slightly protruding stomach.

Twilight’s jaw dropped, “S-Spike...did you just eat all ten brownies?”

“Yep!” Spike said with a small belch, patting his stomach and letting out a sigh of content. “And they were quite exquisite, if I do say so myself.”

This response didn’t make the panic in Twilight’s face disappear. In fact, she looked even more horrified than she did before. Like Spike confirming his action pulled away any shred of hope she had left for the baby dragon’s predicament.

“But Spike! Each of those brownies has a different trick! Do you know what will happen now that you ate ten of them!?!”

Spike thought for a second before shrugging, “Meh, can’t help it now can I?”

Twilight was about to say something when there was a flash of white light where Spike was sitting.

FLASH

She covered her eyes with her right hoof to block the blinding rays of white light. Slowly, she lowered them to see Spike still sitting in the chair, only now his main body colors were blue and red-not green and purple. And on his stomach, which was now red, were the letters “ny” in lowercase, the tail of the “y” extending under the “n”.

“What?” Spike asked. Twilight gestured to his body. He looked down and screamed. “Gah! What happened?”

“That must be one of the effects that were included in the spell I cast.” Twilight said.

Horrified, the baby dragon stood up and ran over to a nearby body-length mirror that was leaning against the wall by the bookshelves. Twilight followed her assistant as he examined his new look in the mirror. To say he looked stunned would have been an understatement. The blue and red coloration on his body didn’t sit well with him.

“Ah! I look like a map of Ponyville during mayoral elections!”  he said, looking at every inch of the front of his body before he turned to Twilight, “Twilight you’ve gotta fix this!”

“I can’t.” Twilight said. “It has to work its way out of your system. All the tricks put into those brownies need to.

“Dang it.” Spike sighed before his eyes lit up. “Wait! They’re temporary, right?”

Twilight nodded, “Yeah, they only last about a minute. Maybe less.”

“Well, at least it won’t last long.” Spike said with a sigh of relief before he turned back to his reflection. His eyes then landed on his stomach, and the bizarre letters that were printed on it.

“Why is there ‘ny’ on my stomach?” Spike asked. He then turned around in the mirror and stopped, noticing more, white writing on his back.

“And what in the hay does “Manning” mean? And why is there a big number ten?”

Twilight thought for a moment before she knew the answer.

“Oh! That’s right the color changing trick must’ve mixed with the ‘Elite’ trick.”

“What does Elite have to do with ‘Manning’?” Spike asked. Twilight was about to respond, but was cut off by another blinding flash of light.

FLASH

When the light disappeared, Twilight looked at Spike to see that his head was completely normal, but his body was the size of a mouse.

“I say! What the bloody hay happened to me?” Spike asked, freezing when he heard his voice. “Egad! What is wrong with my voice?”

Twilight face-hoofed. “That’s the Ritzy Voice changing trick, and the other is the body shrinking trick. I guess you’re going two tricks at a time.”

“I sound so fancy and sophisticated, like I just came back from a royal ball with Princess Celestia herself.”

“Ugh, Spike please shut it.” Twilight complained, pressing her ears to the side of her head. Spike, realizing the benefit of his temporary ailment, decided to make the most of it.

“Ah, so you don’t enjoy the ‘cultured’ Spike, eh Twilight, old chap?”

“Stop.” Twilight said flatly.

“Perhaps we should settle this over some tea and crumpets.” Spike said, putting his hands on his hips, a smug smile on his face.

“Spike, enough!”

“Pip-pip! Cheerio!”

“You can be so annoying sometimes!”

Spike started to enjoy what the spell did to his voice. He opened his mouth to continue annoying Twilight when he was engulfed in another flash of light.

FLASH

This time Spike first noticed the familiar sight of a long, hairy mustache curled up on his upper lip. Slowly feeling it in-between his finger and thumb, Spike smiled.

“Ah-hah! Spell number 25, now this I can live...” Spike froze. His voice was once again different, but not because it sounded ritzy, like it had before.  “Um...why is my voice, like, all high pitched and girly?”

Spike looked between his legs and his...or ‘her’...eyes went wide in horror.

He shrieked. “Ahh!!! It’s gone!”

Twilight put a hoof to her mouth, trying not to snicker. Spike shot her a glare. “You think this is funny Twilight? I’m a girl!”

“I know,” Twilight said, chuckling, “But it serves you right for being so annoying with the last spell.”

Spike rolled up a pair of imaginary sleeves and put one hand onto her hip and the other held up, pointer finger sticking up and waving around, “Okay, like, you listen here Twilight...!”

FLASH

Spike was wearing a tuxedo and talking about dreams...but doing so in the Royal Canterlot voice.

“DREAMS FEEL REAL WHILE WE’RE IN THEM. IT’S ONLY WHEN WE WAKE UP THAT WE REALIZE SOMETHING WAS ACTUALLY STRANGE!”

Twilight grimaced, plugging her hooves into her ears.

“Ow! You’re going to break my eardrums!” she shouted.

“THOU ART WAITING FOR A TRAIN...!”

“SPIKE!” Twilight shouted just in time for another flash.

FLASH

Spike’s body was covered in zebra stripes, but this time that seemed to be the only trick cast on him. He looked himself over and spoke, “I wonder if these zebra stripes have made me become the rhyming type.”

Twilight smirked and Spike’s expression fell flat.

“Aw! Son of a gun.”

He realized he rhymed again and raised his fists into the air, ready to curse when...

FLASH

Spike was now an exact copy Twilight. From his purple hooves to his star-laden cutie mark. He looked exactly like his sister figure. Though he wasn’t really a “he” anymore, marking his second gender change in the span of a couple of minutes.

Spike examined him...er...[i]her[/i]self while Twilight just stared, mouth agape and eyes wide. Even a mind as complex as hers was having trouble processing what she saw. Spike sat down on her flank and started rubbing the back of her neck with a lavender hoof.

“Um...well...this certainly is awkward.” Spike said Twilight’s voice.

Twilight could only bring herself to slowly nod when there was a final FLASH and Spike returned to his normal self, having gone through all twelve tricks. The last trick clearly sucked out all of his energy. He looked exhausted, panting and sweating from his little ordeal.

“No...more...brownies...ever!” he mumbled before falling backwards onto the floor, eyes closed and body limp. Realizing that he was asleep, Twilight used her magic to levitate him over to the couch. She gently lowered him onto the soft cushion. Her aura disappeared and she let out a sigh of relief, glad that the entire ordeal was over.

She turned to leave when she was stopped by a familiar pink face dropping down in front of her.

“Heya Twilight!” Pinkie Pie said, grinning at her stunned friend.

“Ahh!” Twilight leapt back, falling onto the floor with her eyes wide. When she realized who it was, her shocked expression immediately became angry. “Pinkie Pie!”

Pinkie Pie fell, back-down, to the ground, what she was holding onto to keep herself suspended in the air, not even the brilliant Twilight Sparkle knew. She got up on all four hooves, and took a giant hop closer to where Twilight lay before leaning into her, their faces pressed up against each other.

“Hey Twilight, I wanted to ask if you knew any super cool, spooky spells that could help me turn Sugarcube Corner into a totally awesome Haunted House for tonight.”

Twilight scowled. “Pinkie, can I have some space please?” she raised her hoof and gently pressed her friend’s face away from her. “You’re suffocating me with your bakery-scented perfume”

Pinkie Pie shook her head, “Oh my smell isn't from perfume. My fur and mane are just covered in cake ingredients.” Pinkie Pie put her hoof to her mane and pulled a long, thick strand of what appeared to be batter from it.

“Ewwww, that's disgusting.” Twilight recoiled, sticking out her tongue.

“Nope, just cake batter.” Pinkie said, pulling out the batter and licking it off of her hoof like a lollipop. She then put her hoof down and grinned at her annoyed friend.

“So, Twilight, do you have anything that could help me?”

“For a haunted house?” Twilight asked, her annoyed expression gone. After all, she when a friend needed her help, she’d be there. No matter how annoying they were being.

She gave her hyperactive friend a nod. “Yeah, probably. Just give me a second to look through my books.” Twilight got onto her hooves. “Is there anything specific you had in mind?”

“Oh, I don’t know. If you can create spooky ghosts or icky, sticky cobwebs that look authentically spider-made, that would be great!”

Twilight nodded, “Okay, give me a second. Let me get my spell book.”

Twilight turned and trotted off towards one of the massive bookshelves that lined the walls of her library home.

While Twilight went to go search for whatever book would help solve the dilemma, Pinkie Pie decided to let her eyes wander the library. It didn’t look any different than it usually did, except with a few little Nightmare Night decorations, such as a couple of jack-o-lanterns, some faux cobwebs, and a plastic tombstone. She saw Spike on the couch, sleeping with loud snores escaping his mouth. She then looked towards one of the walls, where a large device was placed. It looked like a large laser-gun, metallic and silver, on a set of four wheels, ready to be moved at a moment’s notice. She tilted her head in bewilderment.

“Hey, what’s that?” she asked Twilight before trotting closer to the strange device.

Twilight looked down from the ladder she was currently standing at the top of.

“Huh? Oh, that’s my new invention, the Portal Creator 2000.” Twilight said.

“Portal Creator 2000? Wow, it sounds so...portally.” Pinkie Pie reached out towards the device.

“It’s still a work in progress. So keep your hooves off of it.”

But Pinkie Pie didn’t hear her, and even if she did she probably wouldn't have done anything differently. All of her attention was on a big, red button located on the side of the device. Not surprisingly, the little bit of common sense Pinkie Pie had lost out to her overwhelming curiosity.

“Ooooh, I wonder what this does.” Pinkie Pie pressed hoof into the button. There was a loud “whirring” sound as a glowing section of the laser began to spin around and around, the device pointing into nothingness.

“Pinkie! What did you...wah!” Twilight screamed. Her focus on Pinkie’s carelessness caused her to lose her balance on the ladder. She tumbled down, hitting almost every step before landing face-down on the floor. She groggily lifted her face up, her eyes crossed and horn throbbing. She shook her head, trying to rid her vision of the spinning stars; she looked up to see the laser fire off a beam of green light. It hit the air, spreading so that the end of the beam of light was circular.

Pinkie Pie trotted over to her downed friend, “Oops, sorry Twilight...”

She stuck her hoof out to help her friend up. Twilight pushed it away and stood up, horrified eyes bearing into Pinkie’s clueless ones’.

“Pinkie! Do you realize what you’ve done!?!” Twilight shouted, though she didn't know either.

“Um..” Pinkie put a hoof to her chin in thought, her eyes wandering behind Twilight and towards where the laser was pointed. “Oh! I know! Did I open a portal to a dimension filled with flesh-eating zombies?”

Twilight looked at her friend, confused about her specificity. “What?”

Pinkie pointed behind Twilight. Slowly, the unicorn turned around, her eyes landing on where the laser had pointed moments before. The beam of light was still on full-blast, but she didn't notice. Her attention was on the sight of four zombie ponies climbing out of the portal. Their manes were mangy and matted; their flesh torn and green. Once out of the portal, the zombies' tired-looking eyes scanned the library until they landed on the two mares. Groaning, they made their way to the ponies in front of them, just as the beam cut off and the portal closed.

Twilight looked absolutely terrified while Pinkie Pie just grinned, as if all her fantasies were coming true.  

“Oh...no...” Twilight muttered, slowly backing away. Pinkie Pie did as well, but her inner joy was clear as day.

“Oh, this is perfect Twilight!” she said, still backing up with her terrified friend as the zombies approached, walking at a ridiculously slow pace. “Can I use these zombies in my haunted house tonight? Huh? Pretty please?”

“Pinkie! This isn’t a game.” Twilight said with a tone of harshness, though her fear was all too clear.

“Really? It seems like a game. I mean, there are portals and zombies.” Pinkie Pie said, but Twilight’s attention was on something else entirely. Or rather, someone.

“Spike!” she screamed at the still sleeping dragon. He started to stir just as one of the zombie ponies reached him, towering over the baby dragon like a green statue. Globs of drool dripped from its green lips onto Spike's face. Spike sleepily wiped the gooey liquid off of his cheek. He started to open his eyes.

“Uh...what’s going on?”

“Uuuuuuggghhhhhhh....” the zombie moaned.

“Hm?” Spike said, eyes still half-closed, “Twilight, is that you?”

“Uuuuggghhhhhhh......”

“Have you been drinking Applejack’s special cider agai....AHHHHH!” Spike screamed, looking up into the soulless eyes of the zombie pony that stood above him. Its eyes were wide and mouth open, saliva dripping down onto the dragon’s face. Spike threw his hands over his head preparing for the worst, when there was a “pop” and Spike was gone. He reappeared next to Twilight, still shivering with his hands above his head. His eyes were clenched shut like he was a toddler watching a horror movie. Finally he opened his eyes to see that he was at a safer distance, but that the zombies were approaching.

“T-twilight, why are there zombies in the library!?!” he asked.

“Pinkie turned on my spooky ray and it opened a portal to a dimension of zombie-ponies!” Twilight screamed, panic overtaking her.

“We have to get out of here, and quick!” Spike pleaded, grabbing his unicorn friend by the foreleg, a pleading look in his eyes as he tried to pull her towards the door.

“No, we can’t leave the zombies unattended, what if they get loose and start terrorizing the town? We have to get rid of them!”

“But how?”

“Hey!” Pinkie Pie shouted. Both Twilight and Spike looked up to see the pink pony standing about one foot in front of a hungry zombie.

“Pinkie! What on Earth are you doing!?!” Twilight shouted. She closed her eyes and started to charge up her horn, ready to teleport her friend away when she heard giggling. She opened her eyes and looked up to see Pinkie Pie being bitten by the zombie pony, but she wasn’t screaming.

She was laughing.

“Oh! Stop! He-he! It tickles!” she giggled, the zombie pony still glomping onto her neck like she were a sugary doughnut. Both Twilight and Spike stared in complete shock at what they saw. One of the zombie ponies were biting their friend, but she wasn’t bleeding, turning into a zombie, or anything terrible that was promised from the countless zombie books and movies Twilight read.

Nope, Pinkie Pie just kept laughing like she was at a comedy club.

“Um...Twilight? What’s going on? Why is Pinkie Pie not getting eaten?” Spike asked, tugging Twilight’s mane in an attempt to get her attention.

Twilight squinted, focusing on the zombie pony. Suddenly, she stopped squinting and adopted a look of pure disbelief.

“Oh my gosh, that zombie pony it...it doesn’t have any teeth.”

Spike looked at Twilight in confusion before turning around and looking at the zombie, who was nipping at Pinkie Pie, or rather mouthing her with its gums. She then looked at the other zombies, and noticed that each of them lacked teeth.

“He-he, you feel like gummy!” Pinkie giggled before walking away from the toothless zombie pony.

Twilight shook her head, “Wait...how can zombies have no teeth? Don’t they eat flesh?”

Pinkie Pie giggled, “Silly Twilight. These aren’t those kinds of zombies. They’re cookie eating zombies!”

“C-cookie eating?” both Twilight and Spike uttered in unison, as if repeating what their friend said would make it sound more ludicrous.

“Yeah! Watch!” Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a chocolate-chip cookie. She turned back to her friends, “In case of cookie emergency.”

with a wink, she turned and walked over to the zombie ponies and handed one of them a part of the cookie. She then shoved it into the zombie pony’s mouth. Its eyes bulged at first, but when he realized what was in his mouth, he began to chew; its gums mashed the cookie until it was easy enough to swallow. Its face lit up in a smile.

“Their gums are strong enough to eat cookies, but not strong enough to break skin.” Pinkie giggled. She then tossed another cookie at one of the other zombies, who caught the treat in its mouth before sitting back on its haunches and eating it like a rat would eat cheese, holding the cookie in booth hooves and nibbling at it. The other two zombie ponies trotted over excitedly, smiling at Pinkie as they waited for their turn to eat.

“See they’re harmless.”

“But...but how did you know they eat cookies?” Spike asked.

“I asked.” Twilight and Spike exchanged a look, and Pinkie Pie just looked confused, “What? Doesn’t everypony speak zombie?”

“Um...no.” Twilight said.

“Pfft.” Pinkie waved them off before turning to the four zombies, “Ugh, Ugh-ugh...blah-blah.”

“Uhhhhhhhh-ha-ha-uhhhh.” The zombies groaned with what sounded like laughter at the end.

“Haha! You guys are a riot.” Pinkie Pie giggled as her friend and dragon stared at her like she had three heads. “So Twilight, would it be okay if I borrow these four for my haunted house tonight?”

“Um....” Twilight started, but that was enough for Pinkie Pie to take as a “yes”.

“Great!” she said, before turning to the zombies, “Uhhh, uh-uhhhhhh.”

“Uhhhhhhh.” The zombie ponies nodded, all smiling in a very goofy manner, licking their lips as images of cookies filled their mind. Pinkie Pie laughed as she led the horde of now harmless and smiling zombie ponies out of the library. Spike and Twilight just kept staring into the space that the zombies had just been in, only the slamming of the door snapped them out of their confusion.

“Twilight...is Pinkie Pie for real?”

Twilight shook her head, “She is a unique individual, that’s for sure.”

---

---

“...and that’s how I helped a cow give birth!”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each other, perplexity in their faces from, what had to be, one of the most random things they ever heard in their life. Not just the story, but Pinkie’s random trailing off at the end into something that didn't have anything to do with the story.

“When in the hay did you help a cow give birth?” Scootaloo asked, still annoyed that they had to sit through the entire story when they had so many fun activities to do.

“Oops, sorry that was another time,” Pinkie Pie said, looking down at Apple Bloom, “actually I was helping your sister. You see, Daisy Jo the cow was ...”

“Ooookkayyy....” Sweetie Belle said, now feeling a bit of Scootaloo’s own annoyance. “Thanks for telling us the story Pinkie, but...”

“UUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!” came a loud moan from inside Sugarcube Corner.

All three fillies screamed, throwing their hooves around each other. Pinkie Pie turned back to the shop.

“Oh! And ‘Ughh’ back at you Mister Impatient-Pants!” she giggled, turning back to the three terrified fillies. She waved her hoof. “Sheesh, zombies. They get so cranky if you don't give them their cookies.”

“Um...Pinkie Pie, what was that?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Are those the cookie zombies you told us about?” Scootaloo asked.

“Huh?” Pinkie Pie asked, momentarily confused before what the little pegasus asked sunk in. “Oh yeah,that was the story I was telling. Yep, they’re in there and ready to scare all of the little colts and fillies that stop by tonight!”

“You brought real zombies into your haunted house?”

“Real cookie-eating zombie ponies, to be exact.” Pinkie Pie corrected, “which reminds me. I have to finish gluing dentures onto their gums.”

The three fillies screamed.

“Are ya crazy, Pinkie Pie!?! They'll eat ponies if you give them teeth!” Apple Bloom asked.

Pinkie Pie giggled, patting the filly on the head.

“Oh Apple Bloom, you silly little filly. Just because they have teeth, doesn’t mean they eat meat. They’re morally opposed to it!"

“So you have....vegan zombies?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Pinkie Pie nodded, “Ya-huh. They're vegan, cookie-eating zombies that will scare the pants off anypony that walks into Sugarcube Corner tonight!”

All three fillies relaxed a little at the news, just as another set of moans came from the bakery.

“Ughhhhhhh!”

“Okay! Okay! I’m coming! Ugh-uhhhhhh!” Pinkie Pie shouted back before turning to the little fillies, “Have a good night you three, and be sure to stop by Sugarcube Corner later for some frights!”

“Thank ya, Pinkie Pie!” Apple Bloom said, trotting after her two friends, both of whom were already halfway down the road, leaving the waving pink pony behind. Pinkie Pie then let out a happy sigh and turned around, trotting back towards the entrance of the bakery.

“Hey! Who wants cookies and another cola and mentos demonstration? Uhhhhh? Ugh-uhhhh?”

“UHHHHHH!!!!” the zombies shouted back in joyful unison, ready for their next batch of sweets and entertainment.